When this night occurred I was studying in Switzerland, and I was 18.
It was my roommate’s birthday and we decided that we should throw an absolutely over the top party, so we rented the scummiest bar out for a night and bought 30 bottles of liquor and about 10 bottles of champagne. In order to cover the cost for the drinks we figured we would have everyone pay cover and have an open bar. Just to add to the absurdity to the night we required that everyone dress in formal attire.
To start the evening off we had dinner at an unmemorable restaurant, however every guy in attendance was required to ask a random girl out to this dinner. The night went something like this:
- My roommate and I arrive at the restaurant late because we were pre-drinking, I am already fairly drunk
- I sit down notice that my date is not there. I should have expected this as the only words i can remember ever speaking to her are “Hey, want to go to dinner with me?”
- I begin to drink aggressively to lessen the awkwardness. I notice another guy was stood up, this somewhat appeases my shame.
- I hit mercilessly on the hottest girl there, she’s some other guys date but she laughs at all my jokes and I am drunk so I can’t help it.
- I blackout, don’t remember eating or leaving the place, it is 9 pm and im so drunk i have become manic.
- I have somehow gotten to the bar, absolutely hammered. My roommate makes a toast and pops a bottle of champagne. He takes a swig and passes it to me and tells me its all mine. I think that i may have pre-drank a bit to much.
- I run around the bar, and discover that there is four stories to it and an elevator. I promptly race the elevator up to the top floor to the bathroom. I win and i tell this to anyone who will listen, they aren’t impressed.
- I walk outside and see a large black man yelling at my roommates older brother. One of the black guys friends walks up to me and tells me to separate them as the black man is crazy and he is “packing”. I don’t really believe him.
- A crowd gathers to watch what will surely be a fight, and i decide to fuck with people. I single out the drunkest ones and tell them that the black guy has a gun. Most of them don’t believe me but a few do and sprint back into the bar. This amuses me.
- The man takes a swing at my roommate’s brother with a empty bottle, another friend jumps on his back and puts him in a half nelson preventing the hit from connecting. I decide its best if everyone goes back in the bar.
- I somehow manage to get everyone back into the bar, I realize that I am sobering up so I drink more. As I am drinking I finally notice how fucked up everyone else is, it probably was a bad idea to get that much booze.
-I decide to fuck with people some more and tell them more lie for my amusement. I yell lude sexual acts at a couple who are making out.
- I look out the window and one of my friends is pissing on it, this momentarily shocks me until he immediately passes out face first into his piss. I can’t stop laughing
- The Piss covered guy is in an ambulance with alcohol poisoning, everyone else seems to be in pretty rough shape. I note a couple friends outside puking. I go out and individually call them pussies and embarrassments of men. They dont respond. I go back inside and drink.
- Another friend asks me which way the hospital is, I respond I don’t know so he asks a local who points in some general direction, I turn around and he is full out sprinting. This nearly brings me to tears.
- Some friends and I decide to go to a club, we get lost instead, however we leave a wake of destruction so I am happy. This includes breaking the handrail of a balcony, destroying a bike, somehow uprooting two trees, stealing two signs for the hospital and finally ending up in a fountain. I was just in my socks because “I don’t want to cut my feet, but i can’t get my shoes wet”.
-We walk back to the bar and i see a person passed out in the middle of the street, its one of my friends. I pull him out of the street and ask him if people are still at the bar, he doesn’t respond, this annoys so I leave him.
-We end up back at the bar just as the last people are being kicked out, we then decide to call it a night.
- There is a very drunk girl sitting on a metal bench, she suddenly pukes all over her lap and in one fluid motion spins and hits her face of the bench. She doesn’t get up for a while, I would have helped her but I was laughing too hard.
- The family I was living with shows up in an RV, they want to party more. I say drinking anymore would be irresponsible. However the have alcohol with them and I cave within seconds.
- We are at the club, we get in for free and get free drinks because they know the owners. I am very pleased with my decision to drink more. There are 8 of us: the mom, the dad, the son, roommate, roommate’s brother, roommate’s girlfriend, puke covered girl and me. I avoid getting close to puke covered girl for obvious reasons.
- I try talking to other girls but i have lost the ability of speech.
- I black out
- Im in the RV and we are driving somewhere, the dad is driving and he is very drunk. I would have lectured him on the dangers of drinking and driving but it comes out as a groan and i pass out.
- The son is trying to wake me up, he slaps me a couple times but its not working, he shouts “whiskey” and i wake up immediately and reply ” I don’t like it all that much, but sure i could drink. I would prefer vodka if you have it” I have no idea how i managed that sentence.
- The mom makes us pasta
- I lack fine motor skills so i just eat with my hands
- Then I pass out
We went back the next day to look at the bar and we had really fucked it up, the whole street was covered in what looked like stains from rivers of puke. We went inside and asked how much booze we had left, 4 bottles of liquor and 2 of champagne. Which we drank that night. We never paid the bar all of the money we owed so to top it off we drank two full nights for pretty much free.
The long story of this night took almost a year to put back together and there are still blank spots and mysteries. Like how i managed to keep the hospital signs through all of that.
I was Drunk Last Night.