Well its 10pm and I’m bored as shit on a Saturday night so I’m like fuck it lets get wasted. I get my roommate to buy some pink lemonade vodka and we pregame with my other friend in his dorm room before we go out to this house party a couple of blocks away. I take 10-12 shots of vodka and am thoroughly wasted before I even walk out the door. After that it’s all a blur.

Somehow I awoke the next day back in my bed in my dorm room. My knees are hurting for some reason and my ankle is too I then find a bible with a letter attached to it that was slid up under my door saying this.

Dear ____,
You probably don’t remember much from last night on account of all the alcohol you drank. To recap – you emphatically and persistently screamed “I bloodied his face” over and over again – referring to someone you assaulted before returning to ______. You were ranting and raving like a mad man cursing non-stop and making zero sense. You were belligerent towards your friends and became the center of much laugher for your foolishness. Undoubtedly you broke at least two laws (one of which, if charged, would send you to jail, the other if punished accordingly, could get you kicked from the university). On top of that you mad an unbelievable noisy scene in which you bothered many people trying to enjoy sleep at 2:30 am.

There are 4 more paragraphs after this talking about how I should come to Jesus etc, but that’s not as entertaining so I’m going to leave that out. Needless to say that was the scariest morning of my entire life. I still don’t know who the hell wrote that damn letter, its been 3 days since that night and nothing has happened, I don’t know if I’m going to ever drink again but knowing me I will.