So I’m visiting my boy and UAlbany, and we are at this fairly large house party off campus, which is really crowded. Eventually, I have to break the seal and pee, but cant go out the front door because they guys who owned the house would charge me to get back in and there’s an  incredibly long bathroom line. Instead, I go out the back door, only to find that it’s a porch/balcony with no way down, but there’s this guy peeing off of it, so I join him.

Now, the balcony is in back of the house, on the left side near the driveway; the right side of the backyard is completely fenced in, so the only way back inside or to the front is through the driveway, there’s a car parked in the driveway, and this guy is peeing on it, he invites me to do the same, claiming this is his house, that it’s his neighbor’s car, and that it’s ok to pee on it because his neighbor is a “giant douchebag of a tool.”

Being the very polite drunk that I am, I pee so that the stream goes in front of the side of the car (closer to the house and not hitting the car itself), the whole time, there are these five or so girls yelling at each other to our right in the backyard. Two of them are like “fuck you ive had it” and start to leave – walking right towards where we are peeing.

Now, having watched the whole thing hoping there was going to be a girlfight of sorts, we saw where they were headed (right into our streams) and stopped peeing. That was PAINFUL. The girls, however, look up and see us still with our dicks out and are like “eww fuck you
that’s gross,” thinking we were hitting on them or something. I have a bit more game than that.

We attempt to tell them that we were just peeing and stopped so they wouldnt walk into it (they never noticed), so they continue to yell at
us saying how we’re such terrible people. Angered and in pain, we turn to them and start peeing again – in their direction. They jump to the
side and run off, cursing.

The guy and myself finish and give each other a left handed handshake. He introduces me to a couple of his housemates and gets me more drunk.

So one of my best friends at school (I’m a freshman in college) has a couple girls from home visiting him. One of them is drop-dead gorgeous and immediately takes a liking to me. We go down to a fraternity having an around-the-world (a bunch of different shots at peoples’ rooms)
night. About 8 to 10 shots in, my friend approaches me saying I can’t get with this girl. He tells me that she has gonorrhea, making up a backstory for it and everything. I’m drunk enough to believe him and am at a loss for what to do. After drunkenly consulting with random people, I decide I’ll hook up with her, but won’t have sex. I tell my friend this, and he’s like “No! You can’t hook up with her!” He proceeds to punch me in the balls. Hard. I’m too drunk to feel it, but I certainly did the next day.

Shortly after, I’m talking to her on a frat brother’s bed. I brought my drunken A game. She leans in to kiss me, but I pull back. Despite my drunkenness, I was trying to get a bid at this fraternity, and was not about to get busy on the bed of someone who had a say of whether or not I would get in! (This was in a room full of people, no less.) So we go to a couch and start hooking up.

Apparently we were on the couch for a solid 40 minutes. I vaguely remember seeing a bunch of friends walking by, and apparently a few pictures were taken as well. We move downstairs to a more private area, and stay there for a while, then head back to my room. How we walked
back is beyond me.

She’s going farther and farther. I don’t know what to do. I finally stop her, not telling her why, and try to fall asleep (she immediately passed out upon my reluctance to go any further). Around 4 AM, someone walks into my room asking if I had sex with her. With her passed out on top of me, I try and shake my head “No.” He laughs and says my best friend who told me she had gonorrhea made it all up. Still very drunk, I get out of bed, throw on some pajamas, and search for him. Eventually, after having too many people eye the giant red mark on my neck, I find him and chase him out of my dorm, all the way to our science center. I’m too lazy and drunk to catch him. Soon after, I go back to bed and pass out.

For some odd reason, both the girl and I wake up around 7 AM, very hung over. We both down some water and a few Advils, and hop to it again. With my roommate in the room, we could do little more than hook up again (that ‘little’ went a long way though), so I got some morning after action. The night overall is hazy, and I made peace with myfriend – next time I’m in his hometown, I get to have sex with her. In his bed.