Before I tell the tale of this epic fail there are a few things you should know, nothing is exaggerated, all the facts are real and the only thing that is a lie is the name, only because I don’t want my phone being blown up. Sorry!!
Rewind to the summer my best friend Harrison and his girlfriend Jess told me that they have a mutual friend that would be interested in this Jew. So like any young, naive, horny male I said of course. They decided it would be good if we double date and go to the beach.
So, the three of us make our way to the beach and get there at around 12. My beautiful blind date doesn’t show up till 12:30 and when she came she sure knew how to make an entrance. Some might say she was a lush or toasted but god damn it, she was wasted. It’s not even 1:00 pm and she is already slurring her words. Personally, I thought it was a positive sign and it might be easy for me to seem charming.
Now you’re wondering how this can possibly be a bad blind date. Ohh boy you’re in for a treat. An hour passes and she says I have to go to the bathroom. So the gentlemen that I am, I said “I’ll walk you to the bathroom” and she slurred “Nah its cool.” So like any normal person I thought she would go to the ocean and let it out. Now remember this is the worst blind date so there shouldn’t be any assumptions that something would be done normally. So this classy lady, put the towel she was laying on over herself and urinated right then and there. Like a fucking cat in a litter box she pissed on the sand in front of me and the warm urine was all over her.
Pick up your jaws; let that last statement sink in like the way the urine sank in to the juicy couture terry cloth shorts. Now if you’re good with numbers, here is a little stat for you. So I asked Jess has she ever done this before and she responded calmly as if she once was shocked by this behavior but has grown highly accustom by it, “I went to the beach with her like a thousand times the last 2 summers and 3 times this summer and she has done it 70 percent of the time.” So that means she has peed in the sand 703 times.
Now after that disgusting display I was completely turned off. She didn’t think it was a big deal but I hope I’m not the only one who thought it was. The worst part about it was after she went on herself she wanted to cuddle, so as she rolled over to me and I pushed her off my towel and said “I’m not a cuddlier.”
- TheCampusSocialite.com
