They always say take the road less travelled by. I often think about what this means and if I am on that path or not. Well apparently my ability to find the craziest bitches ever has not gone away. As much as I crave finding a nice girl, whack bitches find me, hunt me down and latch the fuck on. Last night was definitely no exception.

My night started out on a good note. I got off work after only 3 hours and wanted to have a few beers. Well a few turned into about 15-16 before I went out. Thats right, I fucking pregamed with 16 beers. Knowing I couldnt drive I had this bitch pick me up. I knew she was a cheap ass so basically everything I buy will be double. After getting picked up we headed out to TGI Fridays for a beer pong tourney.

Now me being in a fucked up state of mind argued about everything stupid. Apparently the beer pong tourney wasnt starting on time so of course I bitched like a motherfucker about it. So here I am drinking at a restaurant yelling at the bartenders and managers because they wouldnt start some stupid tourney.

We left there and headed out to a bar. At first it seemed like a great idea. Having no concept on time I am pretty much guessing its about 10pm right now. I am now 10 hours into drinking at this point. Shots started to pour and it all somehow got put on my credit card. At first I didnt care but realizing I havent gotten paid yet I knew this was going to be a typical overdraft on my part.

Here’s where the story gets fun. We were leaving and I tried to pay my credit card… it was on $41 but it wouldnt go through. That was my only form of payment and the bar was motherfucking me and what not. I said whatever fucking arrest me then. Here I am yelling at these cops calling them assholes while I am in handcuffs at the bar. They kept saying its going to cost you $100 to get out of jail and my smartass said, Ya know what asshole, if I cant pay $41, how the fuck am I going to pay $100. Hes like your going in buddy, im like ok tough guy. The cops obviously wanted nothing to do with the paperwork so they ended up just letting me go.

No this isnt where this story ends.

Now since I am completely blasted I let this girl drive me home. After we dropped off her friend she sat in the parking lot and said we were going to her house and im like fuck that take me home, I gotta work in the morning. She started yelling and bitching saying some stupid shit and here I sat saying, “You fat fuck, take me the fuck home or get the fuck out of my car” She got out of the car with my keys….. what the fuck am I supposed to do now.

Well I locked her out and she started wailing on my car windows. Im fucking wasted trapped in my own car with the wackiest bitch ever outside of it. Who would you call, obviously since now its 330am I dialed my moms number. “Hey mom I need you to come get me, this girl is crazy and stole my keys and drivers license” Being as wasted as I was, my reference point I gave her was, I see a blinking water tower. Good reference point obviously.

My mom said fine, give her the phone and ill ask her where you are. I let her in the car and now shit gets wild. The bitch actually gets on the phone and says I AM THE CRAZY ONE and her next sentence is, “…and I am not fucking telling you where we are!” GREAAAAAAAT now I being kidnapped by a fat fucking smurf. I got my phone back from her after a scuffle and then attempted to get my keys from her. Now picture us wrestling in my car and me trying to get my keys and then it happens:

Me: You fat ass give me my keys!
Her: Fuck you asshole you cant have shit!
Me:What the fuck is your problem (as I am prying her hands open)
Her: FUCK YOU!!!!!!! (now she starts to bite me)
Me: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MY FUCKING ARM
Her: (still gnawing away at my arm)
Me: ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG IMA FUCKING KILL YOU BITCH!!!!!!
Her: (cracks me in the head)
Me: (trying to curl up in a ball in my own car)
Her: (Swings and connects in my eye, punches me in the side repeatedly inbetween her biting me.)
Her: HIT ME YOU BITCH, FUCKING DO IT
Me: YOU ARE CRAZY (now I am trying to get out of my car)

After I got the fuck out of there I ran off and she started to chase me. I was still on the phone at this point and my mom heard everything. My mom told me it was the scariest shit ever listening to her attack me. I ran off and tried to find an address. I went into someone building and found some mail. I told my mom the address and she couldnt help me. Now the girl found me and starts wailing on me again. I hung up on my mom and realized this has gone too far. As I am running away I am calling the police praying they make it before I get murdered by this chick. The cops get on the phone

911: This is 911 what is your emergency?
Me: HELP ME THIS GIRL IS TRYING TO KILL ME!!!!
911: Where are you sir?
Me: I see a watertower, I dont know, trace the call, you’re the police!!!
911: Sir we cant do that, do you see signs anywhere?
Me: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHE BIT ME AGAIN!
911: Sir find a sign please!

I ended up running back in a circle to that building and told them the same address I told my mom. The cops ended up showing up just in time because crazy girl was going to steal my car. She was in it and the cops swarmed her. Being a situation they first thought it was my fault but quickly realized when it took them 3 cops to tackle her ass to the ground I was 100% in the right.

The cops started questioning me but before they got anything out of me knew this girl was crazy. I showed them all the bite marks. I was actually bleeding from the top of the head. I mean what the fuck, was this bitch on roids?!?!?! Now its 4AM, I am in my moms car crying that I am sorry and shes like dont worry your drunk. And the first smart thing that has come out of my mouth in years. “I did was you said mom, I didnt punch her in the face like I wanted to, I just ran the fuck out of there”

I cant tell you how much pain I currently am in. This all just happened last night and basically I feel like I got in a car accident. It sucks knowing some bitch got the best of me and kicked the shit out of me but ya know what. I was in handcuffs by Merrionette Police Dept at 2am and at 4am, watched the girl I was hanging out with get put in handcuffs by Alsip Police Dept.

This entry was posted on Monday, March 29th, 2010 at 3:38 pm and is filed under Stories. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.