Me and about 30 people I know all go to an all day concert that gets put on every year by a radio station. The one this story pertains to had Shinedown, Buck Cherry, Seether, and Seven dust headlining along with about 12 other bands… since beer is about 8 dollars per tiny cup once you get inside, my friends all arrive a few hours prior to the show and do some serious pregame. Unlike alot of my friends, I can drink jack daniels straight from the bottle and be fine, I rather enjoy it, so I had a liter of jack daniels with me plus some beer.

One of my friends has a beer funnel which is getting passed around. I see a string of younger kids putting about three quarters of their beer in it, and then complaining. So i thought “ill show these rookies how to funnel”. I pour my entire liter of jack daniels into the funnel plus another beer in with it, which topped it right off. As im drinking it I have my friend Davis pour a 2nd beer in as i drink. Jack has never bothered me to drink, and not one to puke, i handle it even better than i thought i would… for the next 20 minutes.

About 35 minutes later I am smashed… having trouble walking and the whole 9 yards. At this point i decide its a great idea to yet again wrestle one of my friends… who is also trained in brazillian jiu jitsu, except this time i cant perform because im shit faced… I wake up in the back of a friends car. Check the time on my phone and it was 5:30pm. When my friend got back I asked wtf happened. Marc had choked me out, and I never woke back up, so i got stuffed in the back of a car and everyone went into the concert. Someone had stolen my ticket and I missed the show.

The worst part is, I got home around 9pm (12 hours after i went unconcious) and feeling very tired and hungry, I decide to shoot down the road and snag some chinese food. After the half mile round trip to the chinese food place and back, i hear someone pull in behind me. As luck would have it, its a New York state trooper and hes already half way to my truck. After giving him my registration and license he comes back and informs me, that i DO NOT have a license, it had been suspened a month prior. So of course he smells the jack daniels and makes me get out of the truck, i get the sobriety test in my own driveway, and taken to the station for breathalizing. In my head im thinking im in the clear, theres no way after 12 hours im gonna blow high enough for a DWI. Turns out though…. i was still able to blow a .14 BAC.

Not my most bright and shining day… Missed a great show and got arrested for DWI, Driving without a license, and 5 other small tickets.

This is kind of a longer story than the others but here goes…

I offered to take my friend back to college, at 8:30ish pm, which was a 4 hour drive away, no problem. Once we got there i decided i was too tired to drive back, and he was tripled up in a double room as it was, so i decided to go to the visitors parking and sleep in my truck. I layed down on the bench seat with my feet out the drivers side window.

About an hour and a half later I opened my eyes to see a compus patrol/sheriffs light bar go past my feet. The cop circled around and sure enough turns his lights on and spot lighted my side mirrors. I sat up and angled my side mirrors back at him (probably not the best idea) and layed back down. After explaining why I was there, he called in another cop and they decided I couldn’t sleep there. I also told them for some reason I had court the next day so i would be gone anyways.

Well my court date got postponed so I decided to stay and enjoy a little bit of rush week. After drinking very heavily at every frat house it was time to call it a night… or so i thought. My friend Mic and I began wrestling around a bit on the walk back. We are both trained in Brazillian Jiu Jitsu, so this was not uncommon. Just as we stepped it up and started punching eachother I noticed a car pull up and spot light us. We stop and i hear the person in the car say my name… it was the cop from the night before of course.

We both get arrested for disorderly conduct, he gets taken to his room and I was left at the station. The officer told me since i was under age and blew triple the legal limit I couldn’t drive. He took me to a Sugar Creek off campus that was open 24\7 and told me to sit there and sober up. Being drunk and “disorderly” I tell him I wasnt going to be baby sat at a sugar creek. The cop made the mistake of not hand cuffing me to take me there, and when he opened the door to let me out, i took off running… Across 8 lanes and scaled a big stone wall into a cemetary where I proceeded to urinate on a grave stone.

I knew they would be looking for me to walk directly back onto campus, so i was going to be clever, walk around the outside of the campus and go in the backway, get my truck and leave. During the walk, i start getting tired, so i decided to sit down and rest for a second. After who knows how long i get woken up…. half laying in one of the 8 lanes that were still fairly busy. The guy asked me where i had been drinking, my name, where i was from…. shit another cop… so i thought.

As I am being walked into the center of campus to the campus patrol station I come to my senses and notice the guy is wearing pajama bottoms. I start freaking out saying I will be arrested for trespassing if I get caught on campus. As i say that a sheriff drives by, and completely locks up his tires and slides to a stop. Floors it and snaps the car 180 degrees and pulls up………. same cop that had arrested me. Back to the station i go.

Still over the legal limit to drive he takes me on a 25 minute drive away from campus, tells me to walk back, get my truck and leave. Knowing full well id still be over the limit to drive i ask “sir are you telling me to drive drunk?” he said yes, I dont want to ever see you again.

My 5 year ban will be lifted this april!

I literally just woke up from last night. It’s 4:30 in the afternoon.

After a night of drinking and getting no action the last thing of the night that I remember was having phone sex with an ex-girlfriend, giving myself a hand job in the bathroom of a friends house, and then sending her pictures of my Johnson and its white fluids.

Yeah, I had a little Captain in me last night :).